2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. 4. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. 35. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. 2. But yours is.. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. It took the poor guy all day. The two lads objected strongly. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Why Do We Celebrate It? ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. It helps to keep the pilot cool. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Its a NO FLY zone! Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. Killed bin Laden. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. with someone braver than you.'. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. 8. We are directly under the moon.. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Proceed at your own risk. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Stay out of clouds. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. 15. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? What would As A.J. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. They bagged six. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. 28. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Do you have change for a dollar? Eat up! Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. She told me she warships them. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Why won't you kiss me? 1. A drill serGENTLEMEN! My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. What do hungry Marines eat? And )second One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 44. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Read more. Soldier: Sure, buddy. 12. Fish Food. Theres a post recall and he went to work. A LOOtenant! The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. SUB sandwiches! A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Im 81 years old, he answered. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? You divertyour course! A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? 41. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. Ive been sandblasted.. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. 13:30 comes and goes. A drill serGENTLEMEN! When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. USA: Choppers 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? What are you doing? I asked. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. It was sheer brilliance. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Divert your course NOW! Full Disclosure Here. He then made his way to my side. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. (pointing at the sky). A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Large mahogany desk.. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Want more amazing military jokes? One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? 33. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. She also liked her scotch. I'm impressed! The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Me: Hello? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. Long Haul Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Whats an LMD? I asked. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Decodes 7. Now, lets try it again! The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Caller: Do you have his right number? I dont see it.. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Caller: Sgt. You can see why: 65. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? A friend paid my mother a visit. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Now he likes peanuts.. 34. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Air Traffic Control 6. Thats my wifes breast pump.. He nodded. Bad altitude. (Hang up. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. He needed COVER! A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Good judgment comes from experience. . 4. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Pilots 5. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. You had tents?" The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. How tough? This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. 10. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Only one. Why? I asked. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. Thanks. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . 11. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. 5. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Military jokes! 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie.